Stress

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Stress

Ease Out from Under It

Back in the Stone Age, life was stressful. But probably not as stressful as it is today.

Sure, you had to run from the occasional saber-toothed tiger and put up with Neanderthal behavior. But your job as forager was secure. And you didn't have to worry about your kids quitting school or your husband straying--since there was no formal education and everyone believed the world ended at the horizon anyway.

MORE RESPONSIBILITY, LESS CONTROL

"Women are probably under more stress than ever before," says Camille Lloyd, Ph.D., professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Texas Medical School at Houston. At work we have more responsibility but less job security. We're juggling demands made by our bosses, our kids and our spouses. Our relationships are less secure--consider the divorce rate. And we're less likely to have extended family and lifelong friends to lean on, since everyone relocates so often, says Dr. Lloyd.

Add it up, and too much responsibility, too little control and too few resources amount to too much stress, says Dr. Lloyd. Plus, women tend to absorb the stress felt by those who are close to them, compounding the problem.

"Research shows that women are more sensitive to the stress of people close to them," continues Dr. Lloyd. "If their husbands are under stress or their kids are under stress, they experience more stress themselves."

That's not healthy. Studies suggest that your body's physiological reaction to high levels of sustained stress--increased blood pressure, an outpouring of adrenaline and other changes--makes you more susceptible to serious disorders like heart disease.

You may also find yourself depressed, irritable, despairing or edgy, says Sharon Greenburg, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago. Or you may find that you can't sleep, concentrate or recall things. You may get headaches.

When To See A Doctor Stress can contribute to serious health problems, such as heart disease and alcohol abuse. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor if you experience stress-related symptoms such as: * A racing pulse * Dizzy spells * Severe headaches * Chronic back or neck pain * Anxiety * Depression If stress is driving you to drink or your drinking becomes a problem, you might also want to call Women for Sobriety at 1-800-333-1606 or your local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous.

UNWIND, EASE UP, UNLOAD

The calming news is that there's plenty you can do to relieve stress. Here's some advice from the experts.

Take a moment to relax. Stress is most damaging if it's unrelenting. Even a few moments of relaxation can help considerably, says Susan Heitler, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Denver and author of the audiotape Anxiety: Friend or Foe?.

"Take mini breaks," she says. "If you're at work and start feeling stressed, get up and stretch or talk to a co-worker for a couple of minutes." If you're home, take a break in a quiet room.

Give yourself a longer break at least once every day, recommends Dr. Greenburg. "If you have children, set aside some time for yourself to read a magazine, watch television or simply do nothing at all." That time can be when the kids are napping, at school or playing by themselves, she says.

Talk it out. If you have more to do than you can realistically handle or too little control over your schedule to get things done, speak up, says Deborah Belle, Ed.D., associate professor of psychology at Boston University.

At work, talk to your boss. She may have no idea that you're overloaded, or that your assignments are so ambiguous that you spend an extra hour each day trying to figure out what's expected, says Dr. Belle. Or consult co-workers to find out if and how they've handled similar situations.

"If nothing else, you'll feel less powerless having spoken up--and that sense of control can significantly reduce the negative impact of stress," says Dr. Heitler.

At home, talk to your spouse.

"In relationships, poor communication is often a source of stress," says Rosalind Barnett, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, visiting scholar at Radcliffe College in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and co-editor of Gender and Stress. "If you have concerns about your job, your partner, your kids--bring them up."

What Women Doctors Do The Scarlet O'Hara Approach Marian R. Stuart, Ph.D. When Marian R. Stuart, Ph.D., finishes her teaching responsibilities as clinical professor of family medicine at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Brunswick, she endures a 45-minute commute in tear-out-your-hair traffic to her home office in Morristown, New Jersey. There, she sees patients for three hours before her day is finished. An author, medical educator and practicing psychologist, Dr. Stuart's life is hardly stress-free. By 10:00 at night, she's pretty wound up, she says. But, taking a cue from her own books (Coping With the Stressed-Out People in Your Life and The Fifteen-Minute Hour: Applied Psychotherapy for the Primary Care Physician), Dr. Stuart knows how to turn off the pressure and give herself a break. "First, I run a hot bath," she says, dipping into aromatherapy to suit her mood. She starts with a base of two ounces of sweet almond oil, which she found with the salad dressings at her local health food store. Then she adds 12 drops of lavender oil to calm and soothe, 6 drops of lemon oil and 4 drops of patchouli to spice her steam with a happy aura. "I rub it on my hands. It's fragrance is wonderful," she says. Next, she might make herself a cup of a favorite herbal tea. Lying in bed, she takes the time to breathe deeply, use mental imagery and conjure up whatever is bothering her. "I don't have to deal with that now. I'm going to let that go," she tells herself. "Tomorrow is another day."

Go easy on yourself. "If you're in a job where expectations are unrealistic, you'll only feel more stressed if you tell yourself, 'I'm really in competent,'" says Dr. Greenburg. "Instead, be objective. Tell yourself, 'I'm doing as much as anyone could--and more.'"

At home, accept the fact that you can't give the people you love everything, says Dr. Barnett. "So do the best job you can and be okay with that."

Off-load some chores. According to Dr. Barnett, studies find that women who work full-time outside the home still do more than half the housework, especially such tasks as buying groceries, meal preparation and cleanup and child rearing. Strive for a more even split.

Make room for Daddy. "Our research finds that, for many husbands, being with the kids actually felt like a reward after a hard day at the office," says Dr. Barnett. "When husbands and wives shared more equally, everyone felt less stress."

Think before you cut. "A common assumption is that every role you take on adds to your stress," says Dr. Belle. "But research actually suggests that people with many roles--worker, parent, spouse, community volunteer--fare better." Evidently, the satisfaction you get from one role can buffer the stress that you feel in another.

So before you give up your post as den mother, ask yourself what you're getting out of it, recommends Dr. Belle. It may be providing leadership opportunities that are lacking at work, for example. By the same token, the sense of satisfaction and mastery that you get at work could be the ideal antidote to the stress you feel raising a teenager with purple hair. More roles may also mean a wider stress-relieving social support network.

Exercise, a useful antidote. The satisfaction that you get from outside activities can counter pressures at both home and the office, says Dr. Lloyd. Activities that get you moving--tennis, volleyball, running, swimming, walking--are ideal. Why? Exercise burns off stress-related chemicals, and it strengthens your heart so that it can withstand the ravages of stress.