Affirmations

Affirmations

Phrases That Sing Your Praises

Some days, everyone's a critic. Like our husbands ("That dress looks awful"). And our daughters ("This meat loaf tastes awful"). Not to mention our bosses ("This proposal sounds awful"). Geez. Is it too much to ask for a little compliment once in a while?

Well, instead of waiting for someone else, why not say something nice about yourself to yourself--an affirmation? They're short, positive phrases about you, your life and your world. And experts say that repeating them daily can build self-esteem, give you a booster shot of vitality and help you see things in a more optimistic light.

"There's so much negativity around that it tends to pull you down after a while," says Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., a psychologist in Tesuque, New Mexico, and author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. "Affirmations can help you live a happier life and diminish the negative clutter that clouds your sense of purpose. They're extraordinarily powerful little pick-me-ups."

The Power of Positive Talk

Stop and listen to yourself think for a few minutes. If you're like most women, the chatter inside your head is overwhelmingly negative. "Anytime someone pays you a compliment, you immediately drown it out in a chorus of boos," Dr. Jeffers says. "For some reason, the chatterbox in our minds just doesn't want us to accept the fact that we have something on the ball."

Affirmations can counteract that powerful negative inner voice and eventually reduce it to a whisper. The more positive things we say--about our successes, our feelings and our ambitions--the less time we have for negative thoughts. Even if you don't believe what you're saying at first, Dr. Jeffers says the optimistic messages will eventually seep into your subconscious and become just as powerful as the negative thoughts once were.

Sure, it sounds a little far-fetched. How can repeating a phrase like "I am successful in all I do" really make you successful?

"The power of suggestion is very strong," says Douglas Bloch, a Portland, Oregon­based counselor and lecturer and author of Words That Heal: Affirmations and Meditations for Daily Living. "When you say something out loud and repeat it, it makes that thought concrete. You start to believe it and begin taking action accordingly." In other words, if you say you're a successful businesswoman, you'll probably start acting with more confidence, drive and desire. And success is likely to follow.

Lest you doubt optimism's strength, consider this study. Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia reviewed campaign speeches from all major candidates for President of the United States from 1948 to 1984. The result? The politicians who consistently delivered the most positive, action-based speeches on the campaign trail won nine of the ten elections. Candidates who wrung their hands and ruminated about issues--are you listening, Jimmy Carter?--were swamped.

"It's attitude," Dr. Jeffers says. "When we tell ourselves that we'll fail, that it's going to be a struggle, we set ourselves up for failure. But when we tell ourselves we'll handle whatever happens in our lives, we gain inner strength. And we set ourselves up for success."

Affirmations also are surefire stress busters. "You should have a list of affirmations ready that you can start repeating when you feel stressed," suggests Emmett Miller, M.D., a nationally known stress expert and medical director of the Cancer Support and Education Center in Menlo Park, California. "They don't have to be complicated. Just thinking to yourself 'I can handle this' or 'I know more about this than anyone here' will work. It pulls you away from the animal reflex to stress--the quick breathing, the cold hands--and toward the reasoned response--the intellect, the part of you that can really handle it."

Patting Yourself on the Back

Before you start using affirmations, you must have two things. The first is patience. "It may take a while to overcome all the negativity you've built up," Dr. Jeffers says. "Some of the effects of affirmations are immediate; you'll start feeling a little more optimistic right away. But only with repetition can you build a positive framework of inner thoughts that will last your whole life."

The second thing you need, of course, are affirmations. Here are some hints about how to create and use them.

Keep it personal. Affirmations are for you and you alone. So examine your life for areas that could use improvement. Do you want to be more confident? Would you like to be less angry? Do you want to get along better with your co-workers? Pick one or two goals to start with, Dr. Jeffers says, and write down the rest to address later.

Make it short and sweet. Maybe you've decided that one of your goals is to stop worrying so much. Put your thoughts in positive form, state your affirmation in one sentence and always form it in the present tense to make it more immediate. "I let go and trust" or "It's all working out perfectly" may work for you. Try saying your affirmations a few times to see if they click. "You can feel the tension releasing immediately if they're working," Dr. Jeffers says.

Pick affirmations that state the positive, says Dr. Jeffers. These are better than phrases that negate a negative. For example, say "I am creating a successful career" instead of "I am not going to ruin my career."

Be realistic. Affirmations are tools to help you achieve goals. They are not magic incantations, so don't ask for too much too fast. "There's a fine line between positive thinking and wishful thinking," Bloch says. You'll probably have the most success if you choose affirmations that deal with emotions, confidence and self-esteem. Try to avoid affirmations that deal solely with material wealth. "It's probably not going to work if you keep repeating 'I am now driving a beautiful red sports car. I am now driving a beautiful red sports car,' " says Bloch.

That doesn't mean you won't eventually get your dream car. If you use affirmations correctly, Bloch says they can help. An affirmation such as "I am confident and successful" could lead to another one, like "I am now ready to find a high-powered job" and maybe even to a real-life conversation along the lines of "I'll take that sports car now, Mr. Salesman, and make it red."

Repeat, repeat, repeat. Say your affirmations daily. Dr. Jeffers suggests at least 20 to 30 repetitions per day. And make sure you say them out loud. "There's something about hearing them that makes them more powerful," Dr. Jeffers says. It's a good idea to set aside a regular time to say them, then add more whenever necessary.

If you feel the need to say affirmations in a public setting, it's okay to say them to yourself, according to Dr. Jeffers.

Play it again--and again. In addition to your daily oral repetitions, try putting your affirmations on tape. Dr. Jeffers suggests playing them as you drift off to sleep and right after you wake up. "Those are times when you're particularly likely to absorb the message," she says. Other good times: during a workout, when you're walking the dog and while you're cooking dinner. If you don't like the sound of your unaccompanied voice, play some soothing background music while you record your affirmations.

Surprise yourself. Hide reminders in unexpected places. Write your affirmations on random days in your date book. Put them on a book marker in a favorite novel. Tape them underneath your bathroom sink so you find them when you're cleaning. "Seeing your affirmations in odd places at odd times is a great way to reinforce the message," Dr. Jeffers says. "It's a jolt of positive energy."

Explore the spiritual. Affirmations work best when you tap into a higher power, Bloch says. "We derive strength from the feeling that we are not alone. It's comforting and freeing to ask for spiritual guidance," he says.

Try an affirmation like "I am truly blessed" or "Wherever I am, God is." You could even use Bible verses as affirmations: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." If religious references make you uncomfortable, try looking inward toward what Dr. Jeffers calls your higher self. She suggests affirmations like "I trust in myself" or "I am one with the universe." She explains, "You don't have to believe there's a god. You just have to believe that you can reach a higher plane in your life through reflection and trust."

Don't stop. Affirmations are a long-term commitment. Keep using them even when things are going well. "Otherwise, you may find yourself falling back into habits that pull you down," Dr. Jeffers says. "There can be a lot of negativity in the world, but the proper use of affirmations helps us see the opportunity for growth in all things."